Tossing & Turning in Month 4

Hubby K, StevieDog & I went on a long walk on Sunday evening, to what we like to call "the little park."  Next door is the big park with running trails, the dog park, a big lake, archery areas & frisbee golf.  The little park hosts a small lake, a bike/walking trail and lots and lots of grass for Stevie to play on.  As you can see in the picture, we've reached 4 months!  To me, it's a really weird in-between time.  Of course, I didn't even know I was pregnant in month 1, month 2 was full of excitement & newness and then month 3 was kind of...anticlimactic.  We got to see Baby at week 10 and that was a thrill that we got to share with immediate family & our closest friends, but other than that it's been same 'ol, same 'ol around here for the last 4 weeks.  I still haven't spread the news at work except to my lunch buddies and I have felt relatively normal. Um, so what's she complaining about, right?! I just can't rest easy.  Does every expecting mom feel this way or is it because I've gone through a miscarriage?  Because no matter how hungry I am, how much my breasts grow, how exhausted I am by at 8pm, or how much I cry at movie previews, I just can't totally accept that I am pregnant.  I thought my 1st ultrasound would calm my nerves, and then the second; I figured the second trimester would bring me confidence, yet here I am fretting over "what could be."  Last week my dear friend, who was just 2 weeks behind me in her pregnancy, discovered she has a blighted ovum...all the preparations for a baby including the necessary hormones & "structures" but no actual baby.  My heart breaks for her and I think about her & her hubby (and dog!) all the time.  And I can't help but selfishly add her grief to my current fears.  It's a good thing Friday brings our 14-week appointment.  When we hear baby's heartbeat this far into things, will I finally be able to relax, accept my pregnancy, tell work (& my students!) and start planning? I hope so. I am sure glad my mom, California Grandma, soon to be known as "Nonna" will be visiting.  She gets into town tomorrow night and I am playing hooky for two days so we can get our nails done, go shopping, see a movie...all the things we miss living 3000 miles apart!